Drowning Pool

Drowning has never been a fear of mine. I took swimming lessons at age 3. I mean i'm no Michael Phelps, but i can make it to shore if i was in a pinch. However, lately i feel like have been drowning, unable to reach the surface and gasp out for a glorious breath of air. My life right now is so overwhelming, in both good and bad ways. I love TakeNote this semseter! All the new girls are great and I think we are really going to shine musically. I like being Business Manager and having that responsibility and being a leader. I feel that is truly my place. I am very unmotivated with my schoolwork. I can't seem to convince myself that I need to study. I think i forgot over Christmas break that i am not in high school anymore. I think that small detail slipped my mind this past month. My classes have seemed so easy and meaningless, let alone boring and mundane. For the record if i hear anything about the Healthy People 2010 program one more time i think i just might lose it. I just find the more i find out about some of this stuff the less i care. I mean really who needs to know that you should have a social support system in order to make your life less stressful (i mean some things are just common sense). So, finding that i don't pay attention in class the tests that come all in the same week seemed to sneak up on me a bit. Not having the time to study sufficiently and not wanting to study did not make for a good combination. I just wish i could miraculously skip to some classes that i actually like and done will all this crap. I know most of this is probably meaningless to those of you that actually might be reading this. However, maybe someone is understanding.
Sometimes i can really be profound. Go really deep with questions and come up with mostly b.s. to make myself sound really theological. I know i have said this more than once, but i know nothing. Right now i am basically floating along wondering where the hell i am supposed to be going. I feel this strange urgency to get away. Go someone and just either write music or just sleep for a really long and relaxful time. I really like to be by myself sometimes. Doing what i want and just basking in the undertones or life that seems like it has just stopped for a little while because there is no one around to tell me otherwise. Maybe i do need to get away. I don't have time to get away. too many emails to reply to and to many powerpoint slides to print and memorize. I just have this urge to lay in a hammock, like the one at Cadie's beachouse in a really cute white sweater and a baggy sweatpants. Do you ever want to just read all day. I used to love to read romantic novels by Nicolaus Sparks and pretend some of those things were actually happending to me (not the tragic stuff that usually came along somewhere within the novel) but the happy gushy love stuff. Sadly, i feel that those days are gone and there is nothing but really life to attend to, too much is happening to fall into the pastimes of sappy love stories. Have i really become cynical and bitter? I really hope not.
This week i am going to try my best to keep my head above water. To swim along with the current and not work so hard. We'll see how that goes.

For those of you looking for something to do, read Matthew 5. It's a good one.