Lights will guide you home...

Good-byes are hard. No matter who you are and how strong you think you are. I am a strong person. I am not very emotional on normal days, but some things get to me. I love people. I love my friends more than just about anything. I love deep conversations. There are very few people who actually like them, but my favorite person to contemplate life has left me for two and a half months and is no communicado except letters until August 2nd. I hate modern technology. It has spoiled us rotten with how much we can talk to other people. It went from letters to phones to cell phones to text messaging, not to mention email and chatrooms etc. And when it isn't there all of the sudden it is like something has been taken away, like a right has been suddenly forbidden. I cried for the first time in a REALLY long time on tuesday. How is that for admitting something. I am sort of ashamed. I am actually more ashamed that i am ashamed than anything. Some people take things so lightly. People take so many things for granted, me definately included. But, i do like to think i don't take the people i love for granted. I am truly thankful for all the people who love me, because i am happy to say i have many (at least i think i do). Many are undeserved and i realize that. Good-byes are hard. It is currently killing me. Camp is less than a month away and i can't wait!
I am starting a new Shane Claiborne book called Jesus for President. I am hoping it will enlighten me. Put some things into prospecitive and urge me to make for of a difference in the world while i am not at camp. We'll see.

I love this song by Sister Hazel. It has been on repeat on my ipod for the past week.

"This Kind Of Love"

And this kind of love makes me feel ten feet tall

It makes all my problems fallAnd this kind of trust helps me to hold the line

I'll be there every time

This kind of love it's what I dreamed about

Yeah it fills me up

Baby it leaves no doubt

This kind of love it's why I'm standing here

It's something that we can share

I can't enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find

And now I can't deny I believe

And this kind of faith is so unshakeableIt's unmistakable

It's bigger than me

[Chorus]

Your love can move a mountain

It makes my world go round

It's always there to guide me

I'm so lucky that I found

This kind of love is what I dreamed about

Yeah it fills me up

Well baby it leaves no doubt

This kind of love it's why I'm standing here

It's something that we can share

I can't get enough of this kind of love

This kind of love

The Oddities of Life

I just spent an entire day doing nothing but watching Season 4 of Grey's Anatomy. Literally. Once you get started with an entire season that you have never seen before it really becomes addicting and those little episode summaries they give you are really just a tease. They make you want to know what happens and how everything turns out, because especially with a show like Grey's you never know the outcome until you watch the entire show. A lot of the episodes are sad, they can make you depressed, especially when you are alone like I am today, but then there are others that made me laugh out loud, and even come close to tears (shocker, i know). No matter how much i try to convince myself that Grey's is an insightful show, which i will admit that it makes me feel like i am doing something somewhat intellectual, i mean i do think it beats MTV or other mindless television that i usually spend time watching during the boring days. I should be spending my time while i am not studying reading my bible or reading an actual novel or exercising or something. It has been a few weeks since i have picked up my bible, which is sort of unusual for me. I haven't come to God as much as a should have these past two weeks. I thought that all this time alone in Clemson would be an especially good time for me to draw closer to God without any other distractions. I have discovered some more good praise and worship music. I have recently come to love Shawn McDonald and all of his music. I have listened to some of his stuff, but it has really been speaking to me recently. However, i do have to argue that watching a show like Grey's Anatomy will make you very thankful to be alive and healthy. Watching the show and seeing that none of the doctors on the show are religious at all makes me even more inclined to want to spread the gospel to others. I just look and think of the difference God could make in some of the lives of these people (even though they aren't real, i mean this all in a hypothetical sense of course). But, the show probably wouldn't get as good of reviews if all of them were bible beaters. It is better for TV if they are all agnostic and don't believe in anything or just have "faith", which is my opinion is a load of crap, but then again i don't control the polls.
I dunno, life is hard, but we get through it. This last week has been trying for me in several different ways. This summer has started off weird and unexpected. I still don't know what to make of it. I'm not good with change. I miss people. I don't like not having the normalcy i am so used to, it does something with my psyche. But, as the song says, "Take my hand to the promise land and on you are on what i stand cause i know i cannot do it on my own. You're what i need and i need to be right by your side, cause i cannot hide, Lord i know that i need you." It is as simple as that. The difficulty is remembering and using that.

Life is Just a Test

Life is Just a Test

(verse)
Long way from home
The yellow lines drone on by
Blinded by the headlights from others until i can't see my path
Wishing my water were a strong margarita
Something to take my mind away from this place

(bridge)
Trapped by my thoughts of you and metal firebird
I urge you to pull on the shoulder and run in anticipation
The anticipation of something that is no longer there
Like a fork in the road unsure of which way to take

(chorus)
Life is just a test
Without a correct answer
Imagination is just a foolish game
Walking only takes you farther away
Only to find a dead end
Life is just a test

(verse)
The road is like a drug
Numbing the pain with the adrenaline of speed and uncertainty
Bursting to the surface gasping for air
The fine line between right and wrong
The hunger for the answers only pushes my farther

(chorus)

-Elizabeth Hedrick 11-11-07

Run

Run

(verse)
Disbelief from you words
Encourage me to cry
Knowing I want more, but i am afraid to speak
Down in my luck once again
I've tried to be patient and trust
I've given the pen from my hand
Refusing the urge to write my own life
My wants are no longer mine
But i am afraid love will never come

(Bridge)
Gazing out into the night
Feeling so guilty for questioning you
Yet feeling so lonely and desperate deep down inside
I long to fall back into you

(chorus)
I want to fun until I can't catch my breath
Stand atop a mountain and scream your name
Drive into darkness without a desination
Push away until I fall to my knees
I want to run

(verse)
I look to your word for the answers
Growing and learning so much about your love and falling deeply into you
But i still find myself silently questioning your will
Looking around and wanting not to feel so lonely
Taking a minute to rest and look at what could be
Pushing myself to my limits to forget this and prove i'm strong

(chorus)

-Elizabeth Hedrick 11-10-07

Ready

Ready

(verse)
The pain of waiting
Is a tough test to withstand
Constantly glancing at my watch
Wondering what is taking you so long
The though of you makes it worth the wait

(pre-chorus)
I dream of you at night
I long to clutch your hand
To feel your warmth around me
Your Godliness leave me in awe
I long to hear your voice
To hear you say you love me too

(chorus)
Ready
I'm ready
Love
Is coming
You
You're amazing
Ready

(verse)
What is time?
With you there is none
No rushing to find you
I know you are there
Looking for me too

(chorus)

(chorus 2)
I'm ready
To look into your eyes
Love
To feel that with you
Wait
I will wait until you find me
My heart hidden in Christ
Desire
To call you my man
Ready

-Elizabeth Hedrick
4-26-08