Been a While

I mean wow it has been a hot minute since i have been on this joker. There are only like 7 more weeks left in the semester. Wow. I mean that is insane. I feel like i have learned nothing. That's horrible but true. At least i don't feel like i have learned anything academically. I am learning new things about life and people.
Changed my major again. Time number 3. Hopefully this one will stick. Sociology. wow. never pictured myself as a "lets learn about groups of people and their behavior" kind of girl, but i mean what the hey, i'll try it.
I mean Courtney Cline and Andrea Bencivengo. I love them. Like wow i love them. They are my best friends. There aren't two people i would rather spend time with than those two.
Since i have written i have read a book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I loved it. It definitely wasn't an easy read. It was very thought provoking, which was what it was designed to be i think. I learned a lot about truth and faith and that it is ok to question God and not know all the answers. That was comforting. I just started Sex God which is also by Rob Bell. We will see how that goes.
In my small group that i lead we are reading and discussing 1 Peter. I think my girls are enjoying it. I mean i sure am. I love diving into books of the bible and talking about how different verses speak to us in different ways. I am anxious to see what they choose to do next. I know i want them all to read The Shack, but i think maybe we will stay in the Bible for a little while.
India. Man that is in like less than 2 months. I can't believe it. I am so ready. I would leave tomorrow. If it meant i didn't have to study anymore then heck yes i would leave tomorrow. But, i'm not going to run away from studying. No way. I am just really excited and ready to be there.
Pumpkins and Halloween. Man. That is exciting. I love fall. And i LOVE candy corn.

Be the Change

I have had to many things going on in my life since camp. I feel closer to God than ever before and i also feel like i am becoming more and more reliant and more comfortable with letting go of my independence and letting Him work through me in whatever way He wants to. I expect God to do some amazing things this semester. I feel like i have truly changed my perception not only of myself but also of the way i view people and friendships. I know now the importance of being intentional with people and serving others. I feel like i will learn more about serving once i go to India, but right now i am trying to serve my friends. I love the little things in life. Not many people realize that, but i am trying to serve others in little ways. Like making up someone's bed, or unloading the dishwasher even though they aren't my dishes, or writing someone a letter and mailing it to them instead of just writing them an email. I just finished a book called The Shack. It was such a mind provoking book that really helped me to understand God's unconditional love and sacrifice for us all through the life of a human who had an actual encounter with God. We try to live by the rules. It is our nature to be independent. Adam and Eve proved that, so now God lets us live independently and our lives don't always turn out like we would like them and who do we blame for that? God that is who. The book talked about how God loves us so much that we can't even fathom it. He showed us that through Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us. It also talked about the importance of the Trinity and how they all work together as the same. They are never separate. They all know everything, but do different things for us.
I feel like over the past 2 months I have been packed full of spiritual information. It is sometimes hard to comprehend and apply to my life. I feel like i am trying and doing it in the best I can. It will get harder as the year goes on and i become busier with life.

Wanting more and not howing how to get it...

I am amazed by this world we live in more and more everyday. People become more and more harsh, shallow, and superficial than i believe is even possible. Believe me, i am no where near perfect and i will admit at times i can have some of these qualities. However, i do believe that the more i learn from God's word and realizing the way that we are supposed to be living and treating others the harder i try to diminish these qualitities. People in America often do not realize that there are other people in the world. That outside America people are going through horrible times, mostly without any hope of anything getting better. Since Carlye is in Kenya and sending frequent emails about her time over there and the things she sees on a daily basis it all becomes more and more real each day. I now stop and realize that life is not always a beautiful thing for everyone. I feel so called to action. I constantly wish i could be over there with her helping and serving God like her team is. However, this summer i have another purpose. It may not be as drastic a purpose, but it is definately just as important. Whether we are in Africa or Blue Ridge or Clemson or Crossroads our only hope is that we will touch a life. With the reality of knowing that it may be impossible to change society and change a belief of someone. It has to constantly be our hope that we touch someone. anyone, who needs a change in their life. I learned in a health class last semester that knowledge is the easiest thing to change about a person. Values and beliefs are the hardest. It has been my prayer this summer that God will show me His will and not my own. That it will become clear to me His thinking and not the hopes of my own mind. I think these next 4 weeks at camp will surely test that prayer.

Lights will guide you home...

Good-byes are hard. No matter who you are and how strong you think you are. I am a strong person. I am not very emotional on normal days, but some things get to me. I love people. I love my friends more than just about anything. I love deep conversations. There are very few people who actually like them, but my favorite person to contemplate life has left me for two and a half months and is no communicado except letters until August 2nd. I hate modern technology. It has spoiled us rotten with how much we can talk to other people. It went from letters to phones to cell phones to text messaging, not to mention email and chatrooms etc. And when it isn't there all of the sudden it is like something has been taken away, like a right has been suddenly forbidden. I cried for the first time in a REALLY long time on tuesday. How is that for admitting something. I am sort of ashamed. I am actually more ashamed that i am ashamed than anything. Some people take things so lightly. People take so many things for granted, me definately included. But, i do like to think i don't take the people i love for granted. I am truly thankful for all the people who love me, because i am happy to say i have many (at least i think i do). Many are undeserved and i realize that. Good-byes are hard. It is currently killing me. Camp is less than a month away and i can't wait!
I am starting a new Shane Claiborne book called Jesus for President. I am hoping it will enlighten me. Put some things into prospecitive and urge me to make for of a difference in the world while i am not at camp. We'll see.

I love this song by Sister Hazel. It has been on repeat on my ipod for the past week.

"This Kind Of Love"

And this kind of love makes me feel ten feet tall

It makes all my problems fallAnd this kind of trust helps me to hold the line

I'll be there every time

This kind of love it's what I dreamed about

Yeah it fills me up

Baby it leaves no doubt

This kind of love it's why I'm standing here

It's something that we can share

I can't enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find

And now I can't deny I believe

And this kind of faith is so unshakeableIt's unmistakable

It's bigger than me

[Chorus]

Your love can move a mountain

It makes my world go round

It's always there to guide me

I'm so lucky that I found

This kind of love is what I dreamed about

Yeah it fills me up

Well baby it leaves no doubt

This kind of love it's why I'm standing here

It's something that we can share

I can't get enough of this kind of love

This kind of love

The Oddities of Life

I just spent an entire day doing nothing but watching Season 4 of Grey's Anatomy. Literally. Once you get started with an entire season that you have never seen before it really becomes addicting and those little episode summaries they give you are really just a tease. They make you want to know what happens and how everything turns out, because especially with a show like Grey's you never know the outcome until you watch the entire show. A lot of the episodes are sad, they can make you depressed, especially when you are alone like I am today, but then there are others that made me laugh out loud, and even come close to tears (shocker, i know). No matter how much i try to convince myself that Grey's is an insightful show, which i will admit that it makes me feel like i am doing something somewhat intellectual, i mean i do think it beats MTV or other mindless television that i usually spend time watching during the boring days. I should be spending my time while i am not studying reading my bible or reading an actual novel or exercising or something. It has been a few weeks since i have picked up my bible, which is sort of unusual for me. I haven't come to God as much as a should have these past two weeks. I thought that all this time alone in Clemson would be an especially good time for me to draw closer to God without any other distractions. I have discovered some more good praise and worship music. I have recently come to love Shawn McDonald and all of his music. I have listened to some of his stuff, but it has really been speaking to me recently. However, i do have to argue that watching a show like Grey's Anatomy will make you very thankful to be alive and healthy. Watching the show and seeing that none of the doctors on the show are religious at all makes me even more inclined to want to spread the gospel to others. I just look and think of the difference God could make in some of the lives of these people (even though they aren't real, i mean this all in a hypothetical sense of course). But, the show probably wouldn't get as good of reviews if all of them were bible beaters. It is better for TV if they are all agnostic and don't believe in anything or just have "faith", which is my opinion is a load of crap, but then again i don't control the polls.
I dunno, life is hard, but we get through it. This last week has been trying for me in several different ways. This summer has started off weird and unexpected. I still don't know what to make of it. I'm not good with change. I miss people. I don't like not having the normalcy i am so used to, it does something with my psyche. But, as the song says, "Take my hand to the promise land and on you are on what i stand cause i know i cannot do it on my own. You're what i need and i need to be right by your side, cause i cannot hide, Lord i know that i need you." It is as simple as that. The difficulty is remembering and using that.

Life is Just a Test

Life is Just a Test

(verse)
Long way from home
The yellow lines drone on by
Blinded by the headlights from others until i can't see my path
Wishing my water were a strong margarita
Something to take my mind away from this place

(bridge)
Trapped by my thoughts of you and metal firebird
I urge you to pull on the shoulder and run in anticipation
The anticipation of something that is no longer there
Like a fork in the road unsure of which way to take

(chorus)
Life is just a test
Without a correct answer
Imagination is just a foolish game
Walking only takes you farther away
Only to find a dead end
Life is just a test

(verse)
The road is like a drug
Numbing the pain with the adrenaline of speed and uncertainty
Bursting to the surface gasping for air
The fine line between right and wrong
The hunger for the answers only pushes my farther

(chorus)

-Elizabeth Hedrick 11-11-07

Run

Run

(verse)
Disbelief from you words
Encourage me to cry
Knowing I want more, but i am afraid to speak
Down in my luck once again
I've tried to be patient and trust
I've given the pen from my hand
Refusing the urge to write my own life
My wants are no longer mine
But i am afraid love will never come

(Bridge)
Gazing out into the night
Feeling so guilty for questioning you
Yet feeling so lonely and desperate deep down inside
I long to fall back into you

(chorus)
I want to fun until I can't catch my breath
Stand atop a mountain and scream your name
Drive into darkness without a desination
Push away until I fall to my knees
I want to run

(verse)
I look to your word for the answers
Growing and learning so much about your love and falling deeply into you
But i still find myself silently questioning your will
Looking around and wanting not to feel so lonely
Taking a minute to rest and look at what could be
Pushing myself to my limits to forget this and prove i'm strong

(chorus)

-Elizabeth Hedrick 11-10-07